it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
