So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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