About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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