I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
not ubering you a puppy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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