You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
