Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
