So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
