plz talk dirty to me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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