We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
