just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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