Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
