How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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