her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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