just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
