Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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