that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
