:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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