Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
