i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
