singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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