are you still at the devil's house?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
