Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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