I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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