He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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