imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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