I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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