so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
