5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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