I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
