when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
