Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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