Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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