Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
