we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
