none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
