butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
