At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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