remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
