I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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