He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
