maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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