Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
