She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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