so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
