I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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