come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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