you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
