Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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