Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
