the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
