Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
