I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
