I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
