so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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