I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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